forrestt

These past months have been a massive journey of self growth. I don't believe you always have to go out of your own way and start a ¨self growth journey¨ to actually grow, it does help and in some situations I´ve had to have my own journeys and focus heavily on what I actually wanna understand about myself but as of late ive only been having expieriences that hit me in the face where im forced to act on the experience and knowledge I have of myself. its been stressful, ive lost a sense of what my hobbies are, what are my goals, what I even wanna do in this very moment. ive felt like I have nothing to offer to anyone or myself, I spend days bed rotting doing absolutely nothing when 3 weeks ago I had a full routine and stuff to keep myself busy, but now, I have nothing to keep me busy. in these past weeks ive lost my routine, lost a friendship of 2 years, am dealing more seriously on what my future is gonna be with 4 months left of high school and I´ve done jack shit. So much is going on that I can't even process anything so my response is to get rid of my routine and time to rewire everything around my life, but I can't. ive been stuck on this loop of starting a new routine, a new life for weeks and the best I can do is renew my gym membership which was already part of my old routine so there's nothing new but its a step forward into understanding that sure maybe its an old habit but its a good one so I already know that im starting off positive. I can´t bring myself to find anything new for me. Something new i guess is im getting pretty close to this girl. she's awesome, I can ramble about her for about two pages and that's me putting a limit but what I want to say is I really hope I can work something out with her. I guess that's everything that's been clouding my mind for now. also im probably gonna include a poem in most of these entries at the end but idk

When you wake up, I´ll be gone
Down the road that my actions built
But I´ll always want to hear your voice on the phone
this road, my sentences seem to be getting longer, same as my guilt
I wish I didn´t have to do this, I wish it could all stay the same and we could sit
Sit and dream about the future that lies, But I have to focus on mine before we do it together